Theater, um, parking review: As the city takes over Saroyan Theatre garage, the devil is in the details

By Donald Munro

Dear Beetlejuice,

I’m impressed. You’re one tricky demon. Not only did you make humans do crazy things and cause a lot of spooky chaos in the wacky and well-produced national tour of “Beetlejuice the Musical,” which opened Friday at the Saroyan Theatre, you celebrated Friday the 13th by possessing the City of Fresno’s parking department.

How else to explain the scary incompetence of the city in handling two high-profile events at Selland Arena and the Saroyan?

Related story: 5 Things to Know about Broadway in Fresno’s ‘Beetlejuice’

I’m telling you, Mr. Juice, your shenanigans on stage were nothing compared to the stuff happening outside in the parking garage. You must have planned it all: the gridlock on O Street Street; the confusion as scofflaw drivers, desperate to get to the curtain on time, created their own lanes going against traffic; the zombie-like demeanor of the city employees posted to “assist” customers in the payment of $25 for substandard service.

I missed the first half hour of the show. I turned from mild-mannered critic to disgruntled geezer. This is the first time in 25 years that I’ve had to pass on writing a full-fledged review of a show after missing the curtain.

What was the scene outside? I exited the freeway at O Street at 7:10 p.m., 20 minutes before curtain, with plenty of time to spare.

---

Instead, it was gridlock. It took half an hour to go two blocks.

It wasn’t until I managed to creep into the Saroyan parking garage that I discovered the cause of all this woe: The City of Fresno recently dropped its contract with Ace parking but didn’t bother to pencil out the consequences. Instead of a person taking money at the entrance, there stood a city employee holding a laminated card, like one of those menus of car-wash upgrades that gets presented to you when all you really want is a quick rinse.

“Do you accept cash?” I asked the city worker, thinking of the literally hundreds of times I’ve paid in that manner at the Saroyan garage.

“I’m sorry,” he said apologetically. “I can’t take a payment. You need to download the app or pay at one of the kiosks.”

Think about the time-management numbers for a moment. The Saroyan had a sold-out show in a theater with 2,400 seats. Selland Arena, hosting the Valentine’s Day Super Love Jam, starting at exactly the same time, likely had thousands more fans. Hundreds of drivers were trying to get into the garage. And for most of them, funneled through a bottleneck with only two attendants (not taking money!) on the O Street side of the garage, there had to be a discussion, questions, confusion, etc. Let’s say the typical interaction averaged 90 seconds a car. Add that up and you get the recipe for disaster. Then, after parking and finding the payment location, I discovered there were only three kiosks on this side of the garage. Again, do the math – hundreds of cars, three kiosks.

The final, beautiful, demonic touch: Panicked theatergoers raced up to a city employee complaining they couldn’t download the app. Turns out the garage is something of a dead zone. The city needs to add a piece of equipment on the roof to get better coverage, the worker said.

Well played, Beetlejuice. Were you the one who hatched the plan not to accept payment at the entrance? Or was it proposed and deliciously, deviously instigated by someone even higher up in the hierarchy of the Netherworld – could it be, say, Satan?

The Munro Review has no paywall but is financially supported by readers who believe in its non-profit mission of bringing professional arts journalism to the central San Joaquin Valley. You can help by signing up for a monthly recurring paid membership or make a one-time donation of as little as $3. All memberships and donations are tax-deductible.

A kind employee of Broadway in Fresno, which is the presenting organization, helped some latecomer stragglers and me squeeze into the theater when a suitable break occurred. Yes, I was one of those dreaded latecomers who had to shuffle past 25 people in the no-aisle configuration of the Saroyan – a cheery design detail imported directly from Hell, by the way. I got to my seat in time to hear Lydia sing her power ballad “Dead Mom,” having missed the first five songs.

Even though I’ve seen an earlier tour production of “Beetlejuice,” I’m not able to offer a standard review because I missed so much of the beginning of this show, but I will say that the lighting design is first-rate, the choreography spiffy and the costumes a hoot. Performance-wise, David Wilson and Kaitlin Feely, as the hapless couple, were standouts, with an exceptionally zippy rendition of the song “Barbara 2.0.” The audience was enthusiastic, and I’m guessing the cast felt great after a strong opening night for the tour.

Afterward, I sat in a long line waiting to get out of the garage. No traffic direction provided by any city workers, of course, and someone on staff had helpfully propped up a “lane closed” sign on one of the two exit lanes, thus funneling all of us into a long, miserable lane forced to turn right on O Street even as the street going the other direction loomed in its downtown-Fresno-at-night emptiness.

Beetlejuice, as I drove away, I could swear I saw you hiding in a shrub across the street, a big grin on your face. You are a master.

Many regards,
Donald

P.S. — The show plays for two more performances: 2 and 7:30 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14. I’d go early.